Being alone and being lonely is different. You can be alone but not feel lonely and yet feel lonely even when you’re with other people. Enjoying the feeling of solitude doesn’t necessarily mean I am anti-social, it is just that I enjoy the feeling of having time to myself to just laze around and watch my favorite series or read a book from time to time. Although my personality is just more inclined to be introverted rather than extroverted, there were a series of events that led to me enjoying my time alone rather than with other people. This is why I like being alone.

I guess it all started only a few years ago when I was still in high school. Around the start of freshman year, I realized and officially understood that not everyone sticks around. I thought going into high school that I would have the same friends the entire time, that these were my best friends. I was wrong. The people that I grew apart from ended up going down a path that I didn’t want to be a part of. Losing people can be pretty difficult, but I learned that the only person that is truly there for me, is me. The group of girls I previously associated with, complicated but typical, quickly developed pernicious influences on one another. The type of girls who give the nastiest looks and make the rudest comments… to everyone… for what reason? I have never been able to answer this question even after so many years of observing and analyzing them. These are the type of girls who say the most evil things about each other behind their back, but act like this never happens when they are with each other. I, myself, intuitive and mature, noticed this early in middle school, but it never really struck me as toxic until a cycle kept recurring. This cycle of toxicity isolated me from my “friends” and even led me to run away from them at some points or steer clear of social events. I learned the nuances of making and keeping friends, and I gained a lot of self-assurance. It was during these moments, younger me concluded that if others will not appreciate me for who I am, then I would much rather be alone than with them. 

I am not as alone as you may seem, though. I am a very individual, independent person that strictly lives within my own thoughts. Being caught up in my own thoughts may seem tricky and strange, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. This world is a mess and I gain enjoyment from being able to escape within my own imagination. I like to think I have always been like this as a child and it wasn’t just the terrible experiences I had in high school that made me hate almost everyone around me; but the more I spend time with myself, the more I realize that no one gets me like I do. I don’t even want to waste my time anymore on forming fake friendships or meaningless relationships, so I dream. I dream of what I could be in life, what my future could look like, what the world will come to, future relationships I wish to have, and I could go on forever. I am never not conspiring with what could be, which is why my favorite movies and novels are coming of age or romance. I dream of having what these characters and incredible actors have, a fairy tale kind of love…instead, I remain a hopeless, “lonely” romantic. 

As of now, you can still classify me as an introvert, but I am an incredibly socially adept introvert. I am not shy by any means nor am I afraid of speaking in front of a crowd (with the exception of a great deal of anxiety), but at the end of the day, I am still an introvert. I prefer the comfort of my pillow, my blanket, and my bed with a laptop for watching shows or reading books rather than a crowd of mindless people at a party or social gathering of strangers. I prefer the sunny, bright Sunday mornings but also the cool evening breeze it has to offer. I prefer the bright and cheerful beach, but I enjoy its cold, crisp evening counterpart too. I prefer the feeling of being alone rather than with other people because it gives me time to find comfort in myself, and to have fun and be happy without relying on other people. This is why I like being alone. 

Truthfully, I would never wish to change my lengthy period of solitude. I am not one for cheesy or corny statements, or fake pieces of mind, but I would encourage people to confront themselves with their own solitude. Kids today need to escape from the false realities of social media and acquaint themselves with what real living is all about, as I have started to. I believe that so many people close to my age are encompassed by the wrong things this world has to offer. It doesn’t have to be yearning for what designer items that girl has, the vacation they were on, or the party last weekend he threw. It doesn’t have to be going out every weekend, needing someone to tag along for daily tasks, or lying about appearance or materialistic things. If you are true to yourself, you will find peace as I did. I did not try to change myself for those who falsify what really goes on in their life.  We live in a world that teaches us to look for love, for happiness, for approval and validation in all the wrong places. To look for all the things that deep down inside we know we are worthy of having and of receiving, outside of us but rarely or never within ourselves. And because of that, no matter how much we are given, and no matter what we gather we never seem to have enough. We always want more, more and more.

Even though so many people don’t enjoy spending time alone with themselves, and even though so many people are willing to do whatever it takes to avoid solitude, it is in those moments when I am alone with myself that I can connect with my deeper side. It is in those moments of silence and solitude that I get in touch with the part of me that knows my real worth, the reason for my existence, and what I am meant to do in this world. There’s nothing frightening about spending time alone with myself, nothing frightening about spending time alone in silence. Nothing is frightening to me about knowing,  accepting, and loving myself for who I truly am. It is all within me – love, joy, happiness, abundance, and contentment – it is all within me, and the more time I spend alone with myself in silence, the more these are revealed to me. So I encourage everyone to take the time to know yourself, to be alone with yourself, and to love yourself… because there is a great deal of comfort in solitude.