365 days and almost all of them were spent with you.

 

We were in 5th period together for almost a year and after so many months we began being friends and getting to know each other. Then we slowly started talking more and hanging out more. Then I saw you. I looked inside your eyes and immediately fell in love with you.

 

At first we would hangout with friends and we started realizing how many things we had in common. We went to wendys and to the park with our friends. You paid for my meal and didn’t leave my side once . 

 

You brought me a big huge smile to my face. You brought me nothing but joy. You gave me hope to life and reminded me everyday who I was and am. Every weekend you come to my house with fresh flowers with the smell of spring and the beautiful colors that they come in.

 

Sometimes I go back and think about the first time we did things together. Like the first time we went to the mall, the first time we went to olive garden, the first time we went to main event, the first time we went to the park. The first time of everything and everything.

 

Falling in love with you was such a beautiful and genuine feeling.

My wedding day.  I was as excited as a bride. I was as nervous like i’m about to go down the aisle. I’m as happy as a newlywed. It was my first concert.

I was going to see Toosii. I had to start getting ready right after school but I ended up falling asleep so I was being rushed out the door. It was an hour-long drive to Philadelphia on a Friday night. The traffic actually wasn’t as bad as you’d think it would be on a friday. When we got there i had to wait in a line you could see people smiling and laughing and maybe scared because i know i was scared because we had to have a vaccination card and not me nor my aunt or mom were vaccinated so we brought my aunties friends cards and i was just scared that they wouldn’t let us in but we ended up getting away with it and got to enter. It was also Toosii first time performing which made me feel special to be there for one of his first performances in the beginning he just had small artists trying to get their name out there and when you entered the first thing you noticed was the big crowd and the stage and once you got closer to the crowd you could smell the strong scent of weed. Everyone was waiting for him to come out on stage they were all screaming his name for him to come out and we he ended up coming on stage everyone yelled to the top of their lungs and pushing each other trying to get closer to the stage there was lasers and fog and some much going on in my head i was singing i was jumping up and down i was excited to be in the same room as my husband i made sure i recorded every second of it . It was one of the best moment of my life i never wanted it to ended but of course it did it ended around 11 i didn’t think i was going to be in so much pain but once i got to sit in the car everything hurt my back, my ears, i lost my voice and i was exhausted but of course we had to go get a philly cheese steak before heading home and when i got home i made sure to post the videos i took on every social media platform i had. 

Those Days

By: Ella Johnson

There are those days when you get home, and you smush your head into your pillow and scream as loud as you possibly can. To release your anger. To cry, even about the stupid things like boys and feeling like you don’t fit in. Everyone has those days. They make you want to lie in your bed forever, cursing the world and the people who make you feel like you don’t belong in it. I hate those days and the way they make me want to stop going. 

But then there are those other days when you get home and you hug your pillow tightly. But this time, it is because you are full of joy and you wish to release your happiness because God knows, this world needs more of it. Daydreaming about the boy or girl who finally noticed you. Thinking about the moment you were included in something, even if it was just for a few seconds. Recalling the time your friend said something so funny you peed your pants. Now, those moments keep me going.

Like that day. September 10, 2022. 195 days ago. One of the happiest days of my life. I still remember how the grass, which was wet from the rainstorm that morning, tickled my ankles as I watched the sun slowly melt into the ground leaving a splatter of reds, oranges, and pinks behind in the sky. 

I remember how my best friend, Sophia, sat down next to me, handing me a king size hershey bar.“You stole a whole bar?” I laughed, shifting my body so I was facing her. I took the chocolate in my hands and broke it open. I remember throwing a piece of chocolate in my mouth and waiting for the creamy sweetness to explode in my mouth. Mmm, so good, I had thought. Never in a million years could I ever get tired of that taste. 

I remember laughter and closing my eyes just as a breeze came, lifting my curly hair up behind me. It brang the aroma of smoke, campfire, and chocolate.

I remember opening my eyes and watching Sophia as she played with her glasses. “Sophia…” I’d begun to say. She had looked at me, waiting for me to continue. “You know those days that are so perfect you’re almost sad as the day is ending because you know you will never have a day as perfect as the one you just experienced?” 

“Yeah, of course,” Sophia had giggled, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. “I’m having a day like that today.” 

“Me too.” I’d buried my head into her hair and inhaled deeply. She smelled like the bath and body works perfume: At the Beach. 

And I remember her saying loudly: “Thank You for being such a great friend to me”  as if she was announcing it to the whole world. 

And I remember most of all grinning as a warm feeling flooded into my chest. The feeling I got on those days. The feeling that I was enough. The feeling that I had made someone happy, no matter how small the action was. Now, those moments keep me going. 

 

 

Cancer. What a chaotic word. It causes my mind to spiral like a tornado tearing through a town. Spiraling thoughts. Spiraling fears. Spiraling memories. Dumping me again and again back into the start of that terrible storm.

I sat, stiff and straight, on the edge of the exam table, silently nodding along while she talked through my chart. My belly bulged in front of me, but instead of rubbing it absentmindedly, my sweaty hands were clasped in my husband’s. The buzzing lights cast a bright, white glow and paper crinkled beneath me with every fidget. Finally, the doctor pushed her computer screen aside, rolled her stool to face me and said, “This is the cancer you have” while pointing to the bottom of her handwritten list. 

I remember I didn’t get it at first. My body suddenly felt heavy and her words jumbled into a buzz. “This is the most common and treatable up here, but you buzz, buzzzz, buzzzz…” The room wavered in an out of focus.  My husband’s fingers twined with mine: clear. The penned statistics: blurry.  The stretched stripes black and white across my belly: clear. The printed lab requests: blurry.

Then, like a rubber band stretched too tight, everything snapped back into focus when she said, “You’ll need to deliver as soon as possible – this weekend even.”

My voice shook as I asked question after question, but I didn’t cry. My mind raced as I thought about the risks to me and the baby, but I didn’t cry. My fingers twisted in nervous knots as we visited doctor after doctor to plan the early delivery, but I didn’t cry.

I didn’t cry until, hours later, we pulled into my parent’s driveway. My two year old sprinted off the front porch running straight for me, blond curls bouncing. Burying her wet face in my neck, she cried, “Mommy, don’t leave me.” Those four words broke me. But I decided right there, tears dropping into the dust, that I wouldn’t let it break us.

July turns everything blue, blue waves, blue sky, blue clothes.  Waking up at 10:00, my friend waking up at the same time.  It was freezing, but outside it was warm and sunny.  We headed upstairs to eat breakfast.  My mom and dad are in the kitchen eating breakfast and watching tv.  My dad put bagels in the toaster for us and then my brother and his friend came up for breakfast.  We sat down and ate our breakfast, with a glass of orange juice.  After we ate breakfast we headed downstairs to get ready.  Throwing on shorts and a t-shirt, and brushing our teeth.  My mom called us up asking if we were ready to leave, we grabbed all our stuff and went upstairs.  

After we all finally grabbed everything we went outside and got in the car.  Driving with the windows down, smelling the salty air, a breeze across my face, and the sun shining in my eyes.  We arrived at my cousins’ beach house and took a little tour because we had never been there before.  After all of us were ready, we got in my cousins’ golf cart, she drove, my mom in the passenger seat, my friend was in the middle and I sat in the back.  Driving in the road with the air blowing against my face and my hair flying was so calming and was very nice.  We parked and went inside a store to shop around.  That store is now my favorite store when we go to the beach and I can’t wait to go back. We went to another couple stores to buy clothes and then we went to lunch.  I was starving by the time we ate lunch so it was very good.  We finished lunch then went to another shop and walked back to the golf cart.  We sat in the same seats but my friend and I switched seats this time.  

We got back home and just chilled a little then we went out to dinner not too far from our beach house.  It was really packed but we were able to get a table.  Dinner was very good too and then we went to get ice cream.  The ice cream place was packed some nights and short some nights.  There were some people there but it wasn’t too packed.  My brother and I got water ice and everyone else got ice cream.  We headed back home and just chilled and ate our dessert.  It was really good and refreshing and just felt really good.  We then all played card games and had a fun time until we all started to get tired.  My friend and I weren’t very tired because we had a lot of sugar.  We all went to our rooms and just relaxed to go to bed.  My friend and I put a movie on so we could fall asleep then we both fell asleep around the same time.

I don’t remember what Ms. Farrell was reading, but I remember the look she gave me. It has stayed with me for seven years and will stay with me for seventy more. 

It was read aloud, her voice was a calming sound, the ebb and flow of ocean waves. It was my favorite part of the day, prime time for note-passing. Like any other day, I walked over to “get hand sanitizer” and pumped it into my hand to relieve suspicion. The scent, intoxicating and strong, filled the room.

 On my way back to my desk I slid my note to my friend. My mission was complete and I sat at my desk. As I looked up triumphantly, I met Ms. Farrell’s eyes. 

They pierced mine and I rapidly looked down. I felt my face flush and my stomach dropped, how did she see? I swear I was secretive enough!

I went back to coloring my picture and tried to act unaffected by what had just happened, but inside I was in turmoil. Would she tell my parents? Would I lose recess time? All these questions surrounded me like an avalanche. I promised myself I would never let myself feel this again, even if it meant no more note passing. 

Never will I forget the feeling inside. Never will I forget Ms. Farrel, whose looks can shake you to your core. Never will I forget the note passing. Never will I forget the moment when I looked up. Never will I forget when our eyes met and my brain went blank.

Never will I forget the feeling inside, even if the third grade was decades ago before. Never.